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“You have arrived at this page because somewhere deep inside you — beneath the scar tissue, beneath the decades of disappointment, beneath the coaching carousels and the missed field goals and the trades that looked good in April — there is a fan who still believes. We salute you.”

What You Actually Get

Fuller content of the day’s top stories — for all 32 NFL teams, every single day.

Free subscribers see the front page headlines and teasers, team by team. All-Access subscribers get the full articles — every story, complete, delivered to your inbox every day, for every NFL team in the network, not just this one. Same articles. Just longer. Fuller. The whole thing. No “keep reading.”

Plus Seven Weeks of Bonus Content.
One Per Week. Every Cycle. Every Team.

Every All-Access subscriber gets one bonus content piece per week, every week, rotating through all seven formats — and it is not limited to one team. Your subscription unlocks the full Bonus Content library across all 32 NFL team sites in the network. Here is exactly what that looks like on the Packers page specifically — the full thing, live, right here, so you know exactly what you are getting before you spend a single dime.

Week One — You Get This
Real Fake Trivia Game

A full Jeopardy-style board built entirely around your team’s history, lore, disasters, and occasional moments of glory. Four categories. Five clues each. $200 through $1,000. The $1,000 questions are genuinely hard. We verified every fact. We are not kidding about that part. Click on any one of the boxes and start the game!

Titletown Files The Lombardi Years The LaFleur-Love Era The Ice Bowl
$200$200$200$200
$400$400$400$400
$600$600$600$600
$800$800$800$800
$1,000$1,000$1,000$1,000

That’s Week One. Next week you get this →

Week Two — You Get This
Classified Ads

Nine satirical classified ads, three columns, all team-specific. FOR SALE. WANTED. LOST & FOUND. HELP WANTED. ANNOUNCEMENT. NOTICE. PERSONALS. OBITUARIES. The CONTACT line is always the punchline. Always.

For Sale

One (1) Super Bowl Window — Gently Used, Believed Nearby

Opened in 2010. Briefly appeared 2020 and 2021. Has not been definitively located since. Window remains officially listed as open. Current possessor has seven seasons of regular-season evidence and no January receipts. Asking price: patience. Seller will accept a playoff win.

ContactMatt LaFleur. It is Year 1 again. He is very confident about the window.
Wanted

A January Win — Any Vintage, Any Opponent

Seeking a postseason victory. Will consider any format: wild card, divisional, anything available. Buyer has made the playoffs six of seven seasons. Buyer has won exactly one of five playoff games over that stretch. Buyer is not being picky.

ContactBrian Gutekunst. He has a plan. He got an extension too. The plan involves the offensive line. It has for several years.
Lost & Found

Missing: The Offensive Line — Last Seen 2021

A functioning offensive line was reported missing sometime around 2022. Premium free agency investment was applied. The line received a C from its own players in an anonymous survey. It is unclear where the line went. It is very clear that it has not come back.

ContactAdam Stenavich. One of ten offensive coordinators graded C-plus or worse by players. The only one retained.
Help Wanted

Defensive Coordinator — Position Recently Vacated for Miami

Jeff Hafley departed to become the Dolphins head coach. Green Bay is returning to a 3-4 base under Jonathan Gannon, former Arizona Cardinals head coach. Candidate must be comfortable rebuilding entirely. Cardinals experience not disqualifying but worth examining.

ContactEd Policy. First major decision was LaFleur. Second was Gannon. Policy is moving efficiently. Results are pending.
Announcement

Official Statement: Offense Stripped Down, Rebuilt From Year 1, This Is Fine

The Green Bay Packers announce the offense will be treated as though it is Year 1. The team expects improvement. The team acknowledges Year 1 was also not a Super Bowl year. The team has no further comment. The window remains open.

ContactPackers PR. This is not a statement of concern. It is a statement of process. The process is going very well.
For Sale
Under Review

One (1) Rashan Gary — Traded to Dallas, Picks Received

Defensive end. First-round pick. Also frequently injured. The Packers have received draft capital from the Cowboys. The Packers believe in the future. The future has picks in it. The present has Jonathan Gannon installing a 3-4.

ContactBrian Gutekunst. He traded Gary for picks. He built this roster with picks. He remains very comfortable with picks.
Notice

Notice to the NFC North: We Are Aware of the Division Standings Since 2021

The Packers formally acknowledge that Detroit, Minnesota, and Chicago have each claimed the NFC North since Green Bay last held it. The Bears eliminated the Packers from the 2025 playoffs by scoring 25 points in the fourth quarter. A timeline for reclaiming the division will be provided when available.

ContactMatt LaFleur. He has won 76 regular-season games. Division titles are in a different column. He is aware of the column.
Personals

Seeking: One Postseason Run That Does Not End in the Wild Card

Cheeseheads, lifelong. Seeking a January that does not end immediately. Have experienced three consecutive first-round exits. Have Jordan Love at 66.3% completions. Have Micah Parsons. Have hope. Would prefer confirmation that hope is warranted.

ContactThe Lambeau faithful. They have the cheeseheads. They are waiting for January to finally pick up the phone.
Obituaries

The 2025 Green Bay Packers Season — Age 1

Passed quietly in January following a 31-27 wild-card loss to the Chicago Bears. It had traded for Micah Parsons. It had ended on a five-game losing streak. It had surrendered 25 fourth-quarter points. Survived by a multi-year extension and the belief that 2026 will be different.

ContactJanuary. It has the Packers’ number. It has had it since 2021. It has not forgotten.

That’s Week Two. The week after that you get this →

Week Three — You Get This
Top Ten List

A full team-specific Top Ten list. Completely deadpan. Treats every item with total journalistic seriousness. The list below is a sample. Yours will be specific to your team’s particular situation, history, and ongoing triumphs and disasters.

Top Ten Things You Can Buy for $24 at Lambeau Field
  • 10.One domestic beer, purchased somewhere on frozen tundra that has technically been heated since 1967.
  • 9.Parking, a fair walk, past a statue of a man who once demanded perfection and mostly got it.
  • 8.A cheesehead hat, foam, slightly melted, structurally representative of the current special teams unit.
  • 7.A Jordan Love extension printout, $220 million, laminated for durability.
  • 6.Half a bratwurst, the other half reserved for whichever coordinator finally fixes the offensive line.
  • 5.One replica Ice Bowl thermometer, reading minus thirteen, worn proudly regardless of actual weather.
  • 4.A Micah Parsons trade receipt, framed, still slightly hard to believe.
  • 3.A Matt LaFleur headset replica, pre-smashed for authenticity.
  • 2.Four months of this subscription. Which includes 16 pieces of premium satirical content, a trivia game, classified ads, a children's book, and a staff that has covered seven playoff appearances in seven years and exactly one win to show for it.
  • 1.Hope, sold at the frozen tundra gate, guaranteed to survive at least until the wild card round.

    • That’s Week Three. Week Four brings this →

    Week Four — You Get This
    Fake eBay Listing

    Seven team-specific fake eBay listings, ready to go every cycle, styled exactly like the real site — photo, description, seller, and current bid. The items are always something your team has misplaced, squandered, or never possessed. Reserve has not been met, and never may be met.

    Vintage Helmet — GREEN, ‘The Glory Days’
    Seller: frozen_tundra_relics
    Condition: Historically Significant
    A classic dark green helmet with the iconic G logo. It represents a time when we actually won Super Bowls instead of just finding new, mathematically impossible ways to lose in the playoffs. It is slightly scuffed. It is perfect.
    $1,996
    current bid
    Special Teams Playbook — UNUSED, ‘The Missing Phase’
    Seller: lafleur_frustration
    Condition: Philosophically Compromised
    A pristine, completely unused special teams playbook. It has never been opened. It has never been read. It represents a phase of the game that we simply refuse to participate in, no matter how many playoff games it costs us.
    $0
    current bid
    Smashed Headset — BROKEN, ‘The Collapse’
    Seller: matt_lafleur_office
    Condition: Emotionally Unavailable
    A broken headset resting on a dark surface, smashed into pieces. It was destroyed by Matt LaFleur after watching his team blow a 21-3 halftime lead to the Bears in the playoffs. It is a physical manifestation of our collective rage.
    $31
    current bid
    Frozen Scoreboard — SAD, ‘31-27’
    Seller: nfc_north_ghosts
    Condition: Structurally Unsound
    A stadium scoreboard showing 31-27, frozen in time. It represents the 18-point lead we blew to Caleb Williams and the Bears. We were up 21-3. How does this keep happening to us? Why can’t we just have a normal playoff loss?
    $18
    current bid
    Super Bowl XLV Ring — HEAVY, ‘The Last One’
    Seller: aaron_rodgers_shadow
    Condition: Historically Haunted
    A gleaming silver Super Bowl XLV ring, heavy with diamonds. It is a reminder that we actually did win one with Aaron Rodgers before a decade of heartbreaking NFC Championship and Divisional Round collapses. It feels like a lifetime ago.
    $45
    current bid
    Jordan Love’s Contract — THICK, ‘The Extension’
    Seller: packers_front_office
    Condition: Cautiously Optimistic
    A pristine, extremely thick and heavy contract document. It represents the massive $220 million extension we gave Jordan Love. We are committed. We are all in. Now please, for the love of Lombardi, just win a playoff game normally.
    $220
    current bid
    Melted Cheesehead — SAD, ‘The Fanbase’
    Seller: lambeau_leap_tears
    Condition: Enduringly Loyal
    A slightly melted, yellow foam cheesehead hat. It represents the fanbase that sits in sub-zero temperatures only to watch our special teams give up a blocked punt or our defense collapse in the fourth quarter. We are tired.
    $12
    current bid

    That’s Week Four. Then comes this →

    Week Five — You Get This
    The Outer Limits Enquirer

    One team-specific Outer Limits Enquirer front page, every cycle. Completely straight-faced. It sells itself — that’s how funny it is.

    ■ Transmission Received — Parallel Universe Dispatch ■
    Outer Limits Enquirer — Packers edition front page
    Signal Strong — Standing By

    That’s Week Five. Week Six delivers this →

    Week Six — You Get This
    NFL Competition Committee Proposes

    Four new proposed NFL rules, each presented with complete regulatory seriousness. The title is always “THE NFL COMPETITION COMMITTEE PROPOSES:” followed by the rule name. Three to five sentences of deadpan satire. A new batch of four rules, every seven-week cycle.

    Official Proposal 1 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    The Feelings Rule

    Effective immediately, any player who is visibly sad after a penalty will be allowed to challenge the call on emotional grounds. The replay official will review the player’s expression in slow motion. If certified “genuinely devastated” by a panel of three therapists stationed in the press box, the penalty is waived. The Dallas Cowboys have already filed 847 pre-season challenges.

    Official Proposal 2 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    Mandatory Honesty From Coaches

    Starting in 2026, head coaches will be required to answer one post-game question with complete honesty. The question will be selected at random by a wheel spin. Early testing was abandoned after three coaches resigned, one cried, and Bill Belichick’s honest answer was legally classified as a threat.

    Official Proposal 3 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    The Participation Fumble

    In an effort to make fumbles less discouraging, any fumble recovered by the opposing team will now be referred to as an “unintentional lateral.” The player who fumbled will receive a certificate of effort. The team that recovered it will receive six points. Both outcomes will be celebrated equally on the official broadcast.

    Official Proposal 4 of 4 — NFL Competition Committee — 2026 Season

    The NFL Competition Committee Proposes:
    Announcer Accuracy Ratings

    All play-by-play announcers will now be graded in real time by a panel of former players. Phrases such as “he just wanted it more,” “that’s a football player right there,” and “you cannot teach that” will trigger an automatic fine of $500 per occurrence. Early projections suggest the league will be debt-free by Week 3.

    That’s Week Six. And saving the best for last →

    Week Seven — You Get This
    The Children’s Book
    A Landolfi Media Original

    A fully illustrated satirical children’s book, team-specific, written for the fan who has a child who needs to understand why Sunday afternoons are like this. The illustrations are beautiful. The subject matter is not. Both things are intentional.

    Your Team’s Complete Illustrated History — Included With Every Subscription
    “The Smallest Town, 1919”
    The Story of the Green Bay Packers — Read the Full Book Below, Cover to Last Page
    The Smallest Town, 1919 — page viewer
    The Smallest Town, 1919
    The Story of the Green Bay Packers.
    A Landolfi Media Children’s Book.
    Page 1 of 11
    Complete Illustrated History · Cover + 10 Pages · Included With Paid Subscription

    In the upcoming weeks and months with your paid subscription, you can also look forward to titles like these:

    Also In Development — Next Release
    “Why Does Daddy Cry On Sundays?”
    A heartwarming story about a father, his team, and the annual tradition of explaining to a seven-year-old why the season is technically over in Week Eleven. Daddy is going to be okay. He has been through this before. He loves his team. That is the whole story.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon
    Also In Development
    “Daddy’s Team Is Very Special (Just Not At Football)”
    A celebration of everything a football team can be excellent at besides winning football games. The uniforms are nice. The stadium is large. The merchandise is widely available. A story about finding joy in the details when the scoreboard is unkind.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon
    Also In Development
    “The Night We Almost Made the Playoffs”
    A timeless bedtime story about a very special evening in December when everything was possible. The math worked out. The other teams lost. The tickets were being researched. And then the fourth quarter happened. A story about hope, arithmetic, and the importance of not checking the score too early.
    In Development · Fully Illustrated · Coming Soon

    What Subscribers Are Saying

    “I read the offensive line classified out loud in the parking lot before kickoff. Three strangers nodded in solemn agreement. That’s community.”
    — G. Halvorsen, Green Bay · 6-Month Subscriber
    “My father-in-law still owns actual stock in the team. He forwarded me the window classified without comment. That was the whole review.”
    — Anonymous · 4-Month Subscriber
    “Forwarded the Ice Bowl trivia card to my son, who thought it was fiction. I had to explain that minus thirteen degrees was, in fact, real weather that real people played football in.”
    — L. Kowalczyk, Appleton, Wis. · 5-Month Subscriber
    “My tailgate group has a rule: no discussing the playoff win rate until the second beer. This newsletter has made that rule significantly more necessary.”
    — Anonymous · 3-Month Subscriber
    “Cancelled once out of pure special-teams-related frustration. Resubscribed because frankly nothing else explains this team as accurately.”
    — Anonymous · Auto-Renew, No Regrets
    “I keep every classified ad in a binder next to my season tickets, which I inherited and will pass down, per Wisconsin tradition.”
    — D. Vandenberg, Wausau, Wis. · 9-Month Subscriber
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    All Access — Every Team
    $9/mo

    Everything in Free, plus full daily articles and one new Bonus Content drop every week on a rotating seven-week cycle — a fan trivia game, a fake eBay auction, classified ads, The Outer Limits Enquirer, a children’s book parody, a Top Ten List, and an NFL Competition Committee ruling — for all 32 NFL teams in the network, the Packers included. Plus the complete archive, for every team, from day one.

    Go All Access
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    Per Day. For Every Team. That Is All We Are Asking.

    $9 per month…just 30 cents / day. That works out to be 3 dimes exactly, or a quarter and a nickel. And it is no longer just one team — that 30 cents covers full articles and Bonus Content for all 32 NFL teams in the network. We are asking you to spend the cost of approximately nothing to have your suffering (and everyone else’s) witnessed, documented, and returned to you in a funnier format than it arrived.

    Other Things You Could Buy for 30¢
    ( If For Some Reason You Really and Truly Didn’t Want to Laugh Today )

    1. A quarter at a vending machine, with a nickel left over. That nickel is yours to keep. It is the only refund this list offers.
    2. Just under a third of a gumball from a machine that still exists somewhere in 1987.
    3. The look on someone’s face when you tell them you subscribe to a satirical NFL newsletter that covers all 32 teams. That look is free. The newsletter is 30 cents a day.
    4. A little over a third of a postage stamp. Stamps are about 80¢ now. Your 30¢ covers roughly the top third. This is not enough to mail anything to anyone. This subscription delivers considerably more — for every NFL team.
    5. About three-quarters of a birthday candle. The kind from the dollar store 10-pack. It will burn for a little over a minute. This subscription burns considerably longer, covers every NFL team, and produces significantly more joy and marginally less wax.
    6. 0.00002% of your team’s starting quarterback’s daily salary. He earns more between breakfast and the first snap than you will spend on this subscription in a year. This year that figure also covers 31 other starting quarterbacks’ teams. We thought you should know that. We are not sure why. It felt relevant.
    7. Nothing at a parking meter in any American city built after 1990. The meter will reject your 30 cents. We will not reject your 30 cents. We will give you seven weeks of content for it — for every NFL team.
    8. A shot glass of gasoline, which might be just enough to get you to an ATM to take out $9 for your first month of All-Access. The math works. The metaphor also works. Please do not drink the gasoline.

    Hey — you’ve made it this far. You’ve looked at all seven weeks of bonus content you’ll be receiving — for all 32 NFL teams, not just this one. You’ve also seen that you’ll be getting daily, full-length headline articles from the entire network — every side article, too. Obviously you love your team with a passion to have lasted this long and smiled this much.

    Yep. We can see you.

    There’s nothing left to do but spend the 30¢ / day and have this feeling — for every NFL team — last the whole year through.

    I mean really — what more is there to think about? Do you want to smile today (and every day) or not?

    “By subscribing you acknowledge that you are a fan in good standing, that you have suffered, that you will continue to suffer, and that $9 per month is a reasonable fee for having that suffering — and the suffering of 31 other NFL fanbases — witnessed and documented with the respect it deserves. Cancel anytime. Your team will not cancel anything. Neither will the other 31. They will all be here next season. And the season after that.”

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    Landolfi Media LLC · We Put The Parity In Parody · All Content Satirical · All Pain Real